Bladez (2026) – This Is A Strange One

Bladez was a strange film. After I watched it, I couldn’t decide whether I enjoyed watching it or not. That doesn’t happen to me very often. The story follows Trish (Alyssa Sabo), a typical high school kid facing the normal issues that teenagers face.

However, her life isn’t typical. Her mother left the family to join a cruise ship comedian. Trish’s father suffers health problems due to excessive consumption of pasta. True story, I didn’t make this bit up.

Trish believes she can win tacos for life by rollerblading. Also, true story, I didn’t make that up. Add to the mix Trish’s competitor Sheila, who wants to capture the heart of the most popular boy in school, Kevin, and you should already have a general idea of what you will experience.

I initially thought the acting in Bladez was terrible. The acting of Trish’s father was especially awful, I soon realized that this was part of the mock factor of the movie. He reminded me of a father from a ridiculous ’90s children’s movie where every aspect is completely exaggerated. There is even a scene where he touches the bottom of a pan that makes me think, really? What am I watching here?

Trish is actually very likable, although her character undergoes a significant change. She begins as intelligent, then becomes immature, then returns to being intelligent, and eventually just acts more like a normal kid. At times, Sabo reminds me a little of Cindy from Scary Movie because Trish is attempting to navigate a world full of complete idiots while acting a bit foolishly herself. Sabo also portrays Trish’s competitor Sheila, and for a period of time I thought they would portray Sheila as some sort of alter ego. They do not do so.

The overall tone has that sort of silly quality where almost anything seems plausible. Dustin Muenchow clearly put a lot of effort into preparing for these scenes.

Muenchow prepared these scenes prior to filming so Sabo could act opposite herself, and these scenes are surprisingly effective given how intentionally absurd everything surrounding them is. The supporting characters are where Bladez truly goes astray. You have the mock Pink Ladies; a wannabe Crocodile Dundee; an Alf Stewart/Doofy-like mentor; and two stupid/dumb Adam Sandler-like individuals who appear to add absolutely nothing but maybe yet something.

However, this becomes part of the appeal. These characters are comically bad — so bad they are good — but also still bad. I think. Bladez also contains a catchy soundtrack featuring some wonderfully off-beat ’80s-style songs along with an abundance of synth. Evidently, the goal was for Bladez to resemble an ’80s, ’90s and early-2000s movie simultaneously, and this is clearly evident after viewing it.

Bladez includes elements of teen films, kids’ television shows, spoof comedies and nonsensical content merged together, and the film merely continues with it.

Learning after viewing Bladez that Muenchow comes from an editing background helps explain why the film moves so rapidly. Every few seconds there is another gag; another bizarre character; or another ridiculous event that occurs before you have had sufficient time to digest the prior one. Some of it worked for me; some of it did not.

I do not believe I have seen anything like it recently. It is rare for a film to leave me with the feeling of “What the hell just happened?” yet Bladez accomplished it. I truly do not know how I feel about this one, therefore for the first time in quite some time I will not even attempt to assign a star rating to it.

Just view it for yourself and form your own opinion.